Interruption

I need to write down my thoughts and feelings; writing can be therapeutic for me. Much has happened and I haven't had the mental energy to finish blogging about my whirlwind Christmas vacation with my sisters. I do intend to blog about it still.
Right before Christmas, the day my sisters arrived, I got a call from Jer (while we girls were out exploring the city of Trier) that he was going to deploy. It was really sudden. The way it normally works is that there is a cycle each airman is assigned to. The cycles last for 6 months (actual deployment time) and come up every 18 months. Jer was supposed to deploy in January 2009, but because we had orders to Germany already, those trumped the deployment and he didn't have to go.
When we got here, he was assigned to the cycle that will leave sometime around Dec. 2010.
I need to back up a little bit before continuing.
Before we got orders, while still in VA, I applied and was accepted into nursing school. I was 2/3 done with my first term of classes when we got the orders for Germany. Understand, nursing school has been a dream of mine for many, many years. It was finally a reality after years of ill health or financial status preventing it. I was torn and cried several times over the ripping decision I had to make to stay behind for a year and finish school, or drop out of school and come to our dream destination: Germany.
I sought advice from many people. It was only after contemplating advice from a school counselor that I was able to come to a decision. I think her advice was intended to convince me to stay behind in school. She told me that there were many factors to consider when choosing, but as women, we often forget that we are also just as important as anyone else. Many times women put others ahead of themselves. She told me to think of myself and what was best for me, as a woman.
I thought about it a lot, actually. And I decided that what I really wanted, as a woman, was to be together with my husband. We are just two people, but he is my family. Family has always been important to me.
I decided to come to Germany. And while I always knew when January 2010 (the would-have-been RN school completion month) came around, the decision would haunt me, I don't regret coming.
There are no nursing schools here. I have taken to being a full-time housewife.
Jer understands how agonizing it was for me to decide to give up school. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I tried to go to school here over the summer, but I think the stress of moving so many times during the year, then adjusting to a different culture caused my body to be rundown. I just didn't feel well and had to drop the class. I don't want to sound like a complainer (I really don't like to perpetually complain in written form for everyone to read), but unfortunately, I'm going to sound like one for the remainder of this paragraph. That wasn't the first time that's happened. Or the second. Many, many times I've enrolled and had to drop due to health problems. Life isn't fair, and especially not to me. What I have, I have to work really hard for. Things don't come easily to me. They never have.
Our plan has been that when Jer deploys at the end of 2010, I would go back to the States and attend an accelerated nursing program. We would be separated anyway, and that seemed the logical way for me to get my nursing schooling done.
All that changed with that phone call.
Jer was slotted to go to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. I decided not to worry about things until after Julie and Emily left. And our travels did a good job of distracting me. We had a wonderful time.
We have done a lot of research into a school here. They offer face-to-face classes as well as online. I have done exhaustive research into the post-9/11 GI bill that can be transferred to spouses and MyCAA--a generous scholarship available to active-duty military spouses.
Last night we finally figured out my schooling plan (and how to pay for it) for while Jer was deployed. I've been planning a trip back to the States to see my family. Jer has been busy with pre-deployment activities on base such as qualifying (shooting guns), medical appointments, training classes, etc.
The phone rang again this morning. Jer was calling to tell me they'd canceled his deployment and had given the slot to someone in the Guard. I was speechless. This was good news, right? It felt weird. If an outsider were observing us, he would see nothing of note. But two life-changing events have happened in the space of a few weeks, and I just don't know how to react.
Ultimately, we are both glad he's not going. We are re-planning life again.
I will go to school here still. I will take all the pre-nursing courses needed so that when he does deploy, I will have more options of nursing schools available to me. This is, I think, something really good that has come from all of this. And I'm excited to go.
I feel good about all the decisions that have been made between me and Jer. I think Odd Thomas was wise when he said, "Optimism is a result of the fact that you are happy in the world..." (Dean Koontz). And I am happy.